NOTE: After this post went live, I received a reader comment that was too important to ignore. See how I responded here.
I’m stepping out on a limb here. A BIG limb. Or should I say, a really tiny, not very stable, about to break out from underneath me limb… and it scares the hell out of me.
Yes, I said hell. And, yes, that’s a picture of me up there. Half-naked. At least I’m smiling…
But I could sit here all night and criticize the things I see wrong in that photo. I certainly don’t like seeing myself naked, much less letting other people see me in, um, not much of anything. Yes, it was taken by a professional who did some touching up, but she knew that I didn’t want it very touched up – I wanted my fat rolls to show, my imperfections, all of it.
I wanted you to see the real me. Heck, I just got done writing a post about being authentic.
You see, I’m pushing 190 pounds. At 5’7″. I wear a size 12-14. If you’ve seen me in person, you’re probably questioning these numbers, but I promise, I’m not lying. And this may seem skinny to some of you, but remember, coming from the girl who was 100 pounds when she graduated high school and 140 ten years later when she got married, 190 seems awfully fat.
But despite the laundry-list of things I’d change about my body if I could, I’m beautiful. Just the way I am. And so are you.
I’m sure several of you are thinking, “Couldn’t she have just posted a picture of herself without make-up or of her baby belly?” Yes, I could have.
But that’s not all this is about.
It’s about more than that. It’s about learning to let go. Being comfortable in my skin. Gaining confidence in myself and improving my self-image just enough. To love my body. Just. The. Way. It. Is.
A fun series. I told the photographer thank you for making me feel like my tummy wasn’t really all that fat!
It’s about realizing that this baby belly is here because I carried THREE babies at once. I had three babies. This belly gave life to three miracles. Isn’t it amazing?
That this nose, the nose I think is a little too big for my face, is part of my German heritage.
That my pale skin was considered the most beautiful and sought after skin in the old-English days. (I realize we are a bit past those days, but I’ll hold it as a positive still.)
That my sagging breasts that are now uneven in size fed my babies for 14 months AND produced enough extra milk that I was able to help feed two other babies.
It’s also about showing my daughter – and my son – what loving yourself is all about. What kind of mom would I be if I constantly talked down about how I felt I looked? It would teach them that I’m ugly. That beauty is all that really matters. That Tenley must be beautiful to be lovable and that Braden should only go after the pretty girls.
It’s about putting these photos in frames on the wall in my bedroom. And when Braden and Tenley see them, letting them. And telling them that Mommy is proud of her body, flaws and all.
So, this is my least favorite of them all, because I feel like I’m fat from the knees up, and then there you have my poor little chicken legs. 🙂 This was the HARDEST one to post for you…
It’s about standing up to the lies that society tells us about ourselves. There are too many negative images and messages being thrown in our faces, our children’s face, about what we should look like, how big our breasts should be, what we should wear, what size we should be.
Enough. I share these images with you to say ENOUGH. To say ‘Screw You’ Mr. Abercrombie CEO. Shame on you for the things you said. To say ‘Thank You’ to Dove for their numerous inspiring beauty campaigns.
You know what else it’s about?
Not sex. This isn’t about sex or being sexy at all. I didn’t do this for my husband. He already loves me and knew all these things before I ever spoke these words. I’m just as beautiful in an old t-shirt sporting bed-head first thing in the morning – morning breath and all.
I also consulted him before agreeing to take this on. He helped pick the outfits. He approved the images I’m using for this post. We prayed about it. And we decided I should do it.
So I did. I did it for me. And for my children. And for you. I did it to let you see inside my scared little girl self and to realize that we ALL have self-image issues. We ALL hate something about our bodies. But we are ALL beautiful. Just the way we are.
Can I just say, I love my legs here! Where’d those huge thighs go?
I would encourage you to get some photos of yourself like this. It was an amazing experience and I’m SO glad I did it. It helped me see myself in a different light, and for that, I have no regrets. Not about doing it. Or sharing in this post. No matter who balks at my courage.
Thank you to Jodi Catherine Photography for the amazing experience. I always wanted to do it, but never had the courage. Thank you to Mama Owl (Martha) for making me look beautiful and presentable with my hair and makeup. I suck at that stuff. And thank you to The Cakeball Boutique for the yummy cake balls you added to my swag bag and The Girls Room for the gift certificate; although I can’t use it because I don’t live in Dallas, I plan to give it to one of my lucky friends.
BONUS: Jodi Catherine Photography is offering a $100 credit towards prints and products when you book a boudoir session with her. Now you can get some amazing photos like I did! Just click on her name above and you’ll be taken to her website where you can find her contact info. Just mention this blog post when booking.
I want to know what you find most beautiful about your body. Not your personality. Your BODY. Because every body is beautiful. Even mine. Even yours. Leave a comment below and let’s celebrate what we love about ourselves.
Angie – you are beautiful (but I knew that already)! Proud of you for sharing and for reminding others that every body truly IS beautiful. Love you – Sarah
Thank you, Sarah. It means a lot that you commented! I think that you and I are both doing a wonderful job of showing our daughters what it means to love yourself, inside and out. Lucky girls. 😉
Gorgeous! Stunningly beautiful and a wonderful article about self acceptance and grace. My body has been through so much that its hard for me to love the individual parts of it because there are so many scars BUT I’m also really proud of my body and all it’s done and enabled me to do. If there were parts of me I’d say I love it’s my eyes and my hands. My eyes because they are a beautiful color (kind of blue green) and because through them I get to see the miracles I was blessed with every day. And my hands because I have long fingers and a wide palm (an unusual combination I’m told) with which I stroke the faces of those same miracles as I tuck them into bed or greet them each day.
You are beautiful Angie! Inside and out!
Thank you, Robin! I love the things you mention that you love about yourself and your reasons behind them. Having to work to have children will make you appreciate them so much more, won’t it? 🙂
Wonderful article! You look STUNNING!
As a kid, I was very self-conscious of my large nose, but as I’ve gotten older (and maybe a little wiser), I realize it’s something I would honestly never change. I wouldn’t be ME without it. 🙂 I also love my long, skinny fingers. My mom always said I have “piano player hands”, and many moons ago, I was pretty good at it! (I really should start playing again.)
Thank you for posting this!
Thank you, Allie! I totally agree about not being you without it. There are things about our bodies that make us totally unique. I have a lopsided smile that creates one dimple on my face, and I LOVE it. It’s also a trait that’s passed down – my grandpa, dad, me, and now I think Mr. B has it. Anyhow, thank you for commenting!
Angie, such a brave woman! You look awesome!!! I commend you for putting yourself out there and this inspirational message! Glad we call you friend! Those kiddos will be super proud of you.
Thanks, Lindsey! I am glad we are friends too. 🙂 I do hope to make the kids proud, and I feel that as long as I am authentic, that’s exactly what’ll happen. 🙂
Terrific job by the photographer, and you look terrific! Proud to see you owning your life, and everything that makes you such an awesome person.
Thanks, Carole! See, some good things have come of letting the other site go. This has to be my focus now – it’s a calling. And, I agree – the photographer did an awesome job!
Having been heavy and then underweight, I am super critical of any real or perceived flaws and am terrified of being fat. But what I like best about my body is how athletic and fit it looks, even in my mid-50s, and all the wonderful things it allows me to do. And my eyes. Up until about 15 years ago they would change colors depending on my mood. Now they are ‘stuck’ on green which means happy and content.
I love your eyes, too. And the fact that Miss T inherited them from you. 😉 And, I am where you were at your heaviest, remember? Geez, talk about becoming your mother. LOL.
The photos are lovely and so are you. Wonderful post and I hope as more women take this stance and say enough is enough the media will stop peddling their lies and beautiful women will stop believing them and instead believe just how beautiful they are. Bravo!!
Thank you, Kathy. The media makes me so mad sometimes. I mean, seriously, one day they are getting on a celebrity for being too thin, and then the next that same celeb must be pregnant or getting too fat. It’s ridiculous. Just let us be women. Beautiful women.
BRAVO! BRA-FREAKING-VO girlfriend! You rock. You’re amazing. You’re beautiful. You’re inspiring. You’re brave. You’re awe-inspiring and I’m flat out impressed.
Haha. You rock. I feel the same way about you!
Angela, first off, you are beautiful, brave, strong…a lot of other adjectives that I can’t think of right now. I suffer greatly with my body image. Like you, I graduated high school at a size 3 (I weighed 135, but it truly was all muscle–I danced and had a dancer’s body–except for my boobs! LOL) and now I’m teetering on the edge of falling off the 200 lb cliff. Its hard for me to look at a picture of me and actually think it looks good. I’m still comparing my body to the 18 yr old, had no idea what life had in store for her, body. My husband and I recently celebrated our 10 year anniversary. I went out on a limb and actually did a professional photo shoot like the ones you posted. It was a surprise for him so I spent weeks agonizing over which poses to choose b/c each one didn’t look like I felt when I took the pictures. (The photographer actually laughed when I couldn’t explain all the random bruises…I told her, I promise he doesn’t beat me, I have three small children!) Long story short, my husband loved them. I started apologizing for the “flaws” and he actually looked at me, stopped me and said “I love everything about you. All those flaws you see are things you have given me. You have given me three beautiful children and these are your “battle scars”. I wouldn’t change a thing” I have never loved him more than I have in that moment. The man who probably wouldn’t notice if I came home with purple hair, gave me something in that moment that I didn’t know I needed. Permission to love myself, flaws and all. I still have a long way to go (and I am not brave enough to frame those pictures!) but I agree, I need to do it for myself and for my children. I need to let them know that beauty is the whole package, not just the size three.
There are so many things I would like to say, Angie, because I have known you through all these years, and have never thought of you as ‘unlovely.” Perhaps it is because I feel I have always seen the ‘real’ you – all of you – your personality, your smile, your heart. I am impressed that you did this, and I applaud your motives! For me, this would be totally out of my personal comfort zone , but I can see that your desire to impact others’ lives is strong and that being transparent and honest and forthright is something that has always been a part of you – so this particular method is appropriately “attention getting” for highlighting that message. I think Craig is an amazing helpmeet for you, and you will continue to make a difference for those people who need the message you are giving. I am proud of you!
Carol, first, I have to say, I’m so honored that you read this post! It means a lot. From someone who’s known me almost all my life, it’s a nice reminder to see how you feel about me. I didn’t write the post for that reason, but wow, how nice hearing what you said feels. 🙂 I truly hope my message, my voice, and everything I do in an effort to be authentic touches lives. Whether I’m sharing my faith, my quirks, or some risqué photos with a message, I ultimately want that. Love you!
Wow, Jennifer! What a great testimony! I absolutely love your husband btw. What an awesome man! My husband is exactly the same – totally supportive and ever loving me. I am proud of you for stating your situation, feelings, and fears. And, I LOVE that you had these photos done too. You should consider framing one. Try doing one of the smaller prints, hanging it in your closet or being your door in your room. That way, it’s very obscure, but you get used to seeing it. Seeing yourself in that light. Then, as you get more comfortable, maybe one day you’ll move it in a more obvious place. 🙂
Fantastic. Simply fantastic.
Thank you, Jennifer, and thank you for sharing on Twitter too. I might just be your newest fan. 😉
This is truly an amazing post! xoxo
Thank you, Brandi! 🙂
Angela, I am so proud of you for being obedient to what the Lord was leading you to tackle. Such an important issue. And my word, woman, you are stunning. Absolutely gorgeous. So proud. 🙂
Thank you, Meredith. I am so glad that you said what you did. The hardest part about doing this post for me was letting go of the fear and letting the message speak. I was afraid that my Christian friends and audience would judge me. 🙁 I felt like it needed to be said, and I wanted to make a huge point. I’m so big on authenticity that I just felt that if I didn’t ‘bare all’, who would want to hear what I am saying? So, thank you.
Kudos to you!
🙂
LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!!! One of the best posts I have ever read
http://www.zoekolleen.blogspot.com
Wow, Zoe! What a HUGE compliment! Especially coming from another blogger – I am totally floored right now. Thank you!
I love these pictures, but much more so, I love what they mean to you.
I don’t think a lot about my body most days…is it perfect? No. Are there things I’d like to change? Yes. But ultimately I’m healthy, and I’m very thankful for that — for my sake, and for the sake of my children.
I feel like I need to make a bit more of a concerted effort around my girls, though…to honor my body, not just walk past a mirror and not see it. I think a positive body image, and a positive view of who people are, and what their physical self is, is such an important value to model for my girls.
Thank you for sharing, Angela! Awesome, awesome, awesome!!!
Aww, thank you! It was very empowering. I love the way you reflected about what you can do more for your girls – go momma!
Beautiful Angie, and Love your Boldness! Will pray that God continues to allow you to make a positive difference!
Thank you Deb! I hope to make a difference in everything I do, write, say, etc. There is definitely a fine line between being myself, being authentic, honoring God, and not scaring people away. LOL. 😉
You are beautiful, and brave too! What a fun photo shoot – I’d have been too nervous to smile, but girl you pulled it off!
Great post as well, and so very needed.
It was weird at first, but Martha (make-up) and Jodi (photos) did an awesome job of helping me feel more comfortable. Eventually, it just became time with the girls, and I didn’t even notice what I was wearing. 🙂
Angela, beautiful post. I love the message you are conveying with these images. No matter what shape, size, age, race, chest size, etc; woman are beautiful. Every woman has something special about themselves that should be shown off and be proud of. I believe you did absolutely that! Your bravery and beauty are admired.
Thank you! It was only partly possible because you’re such an amazing photographer and you were able to help me feel comfortable in my own skin. You’re really good at it! 🙂
You are so brave and beautiful! What an amazing message for yourself, your children, and women everywhere. Thank you for your wise words.
Thank you, Becca! Yes, it was definitely hard. Brave doesn’t even begin to describe what I was feeling. Ultimately, though, I’m so glad I did it. 🙂
Great post! I can definitely relate as I have insecurities about my body as well. You are right, though, what we say (and even don’t exactly say) about ourselves says a lot to our children. I think it’s great that you had the photo shoot and shared as well! Many women need this message!
Love, love, love this post! Those pictures are stunning!! You handled the subject very well! Yes, you’re a mom, but you’re still a woman and a wife–and a beautiful one at that!
Hot mama…You look fabulous! What a great example for women and girls everywhere to embrace who you are completely.
Yes, you ARE beautiful — inside and out. I’m grateful to call you “friend.” Keep writing. Keep sharing. Keep living. Keep loving.
Denise 🙂
Angela, I did this same thing six years ago for my 30th! It was the most exhilarating and scariest thing I have ever done! I had a party and had posters of me plastered every where, so I know exactly what you feel and how liberating it is. Kuddos to you my fellow fabulous and sexy daughter of God! He created us to be…us! Keep embracing you and it was good meeting you at Declare.
Love this post. Still gaining the courage to post my pictures that I took with Jodi!
This is one of the most unique blog posts I have ever read. From the moment we met, I could tell you are a super passionate person–passionate about family, faith, and impacting the world. You talk much about struggling with self image in this post, but it is funny, in person I never got that impression from you! You seem upbeat, confident, and comfortable with who you are. And these photos totally reflect that. So glad we were roomies at Declare!
Hi Angela,
I first want to commend you on following through with this post. You are beautiful and these photos are amazing! I’m know it’s not easy to write about these feelings, much less pose for the photos and post them on your blog for the world to see!
But I have also got to say that I really feel that you should reconsider the self-deprecating captions you have written on most of these beautiful pictures. In fact, I’m begging you.
To me, they undermine the entire rest of the post. They make me sad, and they are – well, just mean. Imagine these photos as if they were prints and your captions as what you are saying out loud about the pictures when you’re showing them to your kids.
Would you say those things about a photo of your daughter? Would you say them about a photo of a friend? Would you say them about a photo of a stranger while talking to your daughter??
Of course not. It’s not nice to say those things about anyone, so please don’t say them about yourself. And especially not in this post!! You even say, “What kind of mom would I be if I constantly talked down about how I felt I looked? It would teach them that I’m ugly. That beauty is all that really matters…”
My mom always told me never to point out your flaws. Most of the time, you’re the only one that notices them! Go back and watch that Dove video again!!
Let me tell you the things I noticed about these photos of you.
The photo of you on the sofa: the lovely soft lighting and the simple pose. You look so comfortable and peaceful, with the tiniest hint of a smile that looks like you might have a fun little secret to tell, or like you’re pretending you don’t notice there’s a cute guy totally checking you out while you’re lounging in your lingerie.
…Then I read your caption, and I went back to look more closely for those fat rolls that I hadn’t noticed.
The closeup photo of you, looking to the left: Your beautiful glowing skin and your beautiful eyes – I wondered if you did your own makeup or if it was professionally done – it’s just the right amount of makeup, sexy and soft, and very flattering to your skin tones and eye color. I wondered if you might be part Irish because of your dark hair and lovely complexion, then thought – maybe even Italian with those hazel eyes!
…Then I read your caption and went back to look for your ‘chin fat’ that I didn’t notice.
The one of you lying down on the sofa looking at the camera: this woman could very possibly be related to Sophia Loren.
Guess what? By the three photos at the end of the post I’m starting to look at you differently. Looking for imperfections. Looking to see if I can figure out what you don’t like about each one.
I urge you to go back and change the captions on your images. As they are now, they *reinforce* those lies that society tells us about ourselves.
What if you said something like, “This photo is one of my favorites because…” or “I love this photo because…” or “I like the way…”. Or “I feel so brave”/ “I love the way I look in black and white”/ “i’m keeping a print of this one in my wallet” ?
Or what if you just simply said, “I am beautiful” ?
It’s not easy, but try looking at yourself and seeing what other people see…and I mean EVERY time you look at yourself. I PROMISE you, it’s not what you see. You should be at least as nice to yourself as you are to everyone else!!